Stupid questions not to ask a lecturer!

Today's irritating question du jour:

I didn't hear from you so what should I do now that the term's started?

Go back in time, figure-out what you were asked to do last week and do that! No time machine? Don't get pissy with admin because you don't read instructions; be patient and ask polite, complete questions, rather than going off on one...

Oldie but goodie: read the frackin' information! (Email in this case, but not reading anything but the first line of, for example, results letters, has been the bane of our recent months.)

Clearing is the process in the UK whereby A-level students who didn't get their grades get to hunt around for free University places ... having spent 2 solid days on the phones so-far, here are a few stupid behavioural traits to avoid:

• Calling from a mobile phone and then taking a walk whilst discussing course combinations (losing signal is awkward and it really suggests your attention is elsewhere...)
• Dropping-out of 1st year on a degree course midway through and assuming that's a good thing...
• Asking for a course totally unrelated to your original offer without a good argument (desperation without forethought is not a good signal, e.g. switching from Veterinary Science to Maths is a stretch, feels like desperation because you didn't get the grades and not because of actual interest in the course...)
• Crying when places aren't available for your qualifications (awkward...)
• Assuming that enthusiasm/persistence/debate skills make-up for actual academic skills (yes, maths is often about making logical arguments, but that's not the same as being argumentative...)

Asking the same question twice is a great way to suggest you didn't read the first answer, which makes the second a stupid question no-matter how sensible it was 1st time around... for example:

My work was late, will the mark be capped?

I'll mark it as-is, capping is up to the module leader.

So how do I find out if the mark is capped?

...!!!

I missed the exam this week, what can I do?

Check with your module leader and/or course director, but don't expect much: Unless you've acceptable mitigating circumstances, the best you can hope for is a summer retake.

Check the damn timetables before exam period, write the dates in your diary and re-check the dates at the start of the exam period -- assessment (final exams) are high stakes and you do want to pass, don't you?

I've just bought this -- is it the right text book?

As it happens, no! The book in question was from the same publisher and had some of the same words in the title, namely HTML, XHTML, and CSS: Visual QuickStart Guide rather than the recommended CSS, DHTML, and Ajax: Visual QuickStart Guide and/or JavaScript and Ajax for the Web: Visual QuickStart Guide.

RTFM! The module guide, lecture audio and lecture slides (all 7 weeks of them) all mention the recommended text books ... how can you get it wrong after all this time? <groan>

(Amusingly, it was 2 hours before the first computer-based, open book, in-class exam -- I guess the book didn't help much (1 year too late) & it's funny that he bought the book only in response to the prospect of a test: It's quite a big book so I doubt 2 hours was enough time to skim it and revise...)

Why do we need a secure, separate network when students are being taught about viruses and security etc? Surely they can just use the usual University network.

D'oh! (a) Learning about security and the effects of viruses on PC's requires "live" machines, accounts and data -- can we use your PC? Outside a secure network there's no telling what an attack would affect. (b) Do you want your Internet access blocked? We'd need to do that to prevent the demo attacks breaking out into the wild. etc... (I'm not a security expert but even I know that's a daft question.)

Always be prepared for the fact that you might be dead wrong -- be willing to accept correction, think before you speak or keep quiet!

... an excellent post from Rate Your Students blog transferring the same-old lame excuses into "real life" ;-)

Following the meme:

• When asked to take a test or do some work to demonstrate individual skill during a job interview: Do you mind if I phone my mate? He's dead good at this stuff and always helped me with my assignments so I'm sure he'll help me when I have to work too.

(Hint: They'll give the job to your mate.)

Don't do this: In an interview with a lecturer where you're discussing why your assignment didn't compile (& therefore scored low) say something along these lines:

Well, the guy we paid said it compiled so I don't see why it doesn't work for you ... we paid him enough.

The response to an irate lecturer's Don't tell me anything more about that! was:

What's wrong with that? You're paid to do work aren't you?

So, is that student a dumbass or does he have seriously skewed expectations about assignment work at degree level in the UK, or is it both?! (I think he's a 1^st year so he'll be getting "re-educated" w.r.t. what is and isn't plagiarism and cheating...)

Labels: cheating

Do you think it was rude for my workshop leader to tell me to "shut up"?

Depends ... what were you doing?

Ohh, chatting to my friend during a presentation.

Whose presentation?

Another group of students ... I'd missed the last few classes and was trying to catch-up with my group. So, was he rude or what? I want to complain!

<smacks head> (whose? doesn't matter!) Do you think you were being rude talking over a fellow student's presentation? Your lecturer's within his rights to tell you to stop; whether or not his phrasiology was ideal or not is another matter: you were being rude and disrupting the class.

Don't chatter when you're sitting next to the lecturer during a presentation unless you want to get slapped-down!

Always consider the other guys' point of view before embarassing yourself by asking that oh-so-stupid question. (Do today's students have the same capacity to feel shame that we had at their age? I think not.)

In no particular order:

You've just told me that the course is full and I know that my offer was conditional on my getting 70% in my foundation year, but I got 68% and that's really close so can I still have a place?

I guess the minimum entry requirement of GCSE Maths grade C hasn't taken then? You did not meet the requirements of your offer and the course is now full so the answer is no!

Umm, no, I decided that my English was good enough so I didn't bother sitting my GCSE. Why can't I have a place on your course?

You know that the entry requirements include a minimum grade C in GCSE English, so why don't you take a guess!

I just spoke to someone else at your place (some woman, dunno her name) and she said I didn't need an English qualification for the degree so why won't you offer me a place?

Because, dumbass, firstly the "some woman" you spoke to happens to be in the same office as me and she's currently banging her head on the desk in frustration at the 20 minutes of her time you just wasted, and second, GCSE English or equivalent is a requirement for every degree at this university ... everyone here knows that so stop lying to us and wasting time trying to buck the system.

Don't assume that you are more intelligent than the people handling your enquiry ... given your recent track record it's pretty unlikely, don't you think?

Irrational persistence will not get you anywhere; it's much more sensible to be honest as your performance on the course is very strongly related to your qualifications -- if you don't meet the requirements, you'll most likely be wasting your time and denying a place to someone more deserving.

I was found guilty of cheating in your module but can I have a reference?

Rhetorical: Do you really think I'm the best person to ask? (If the answer is yes then, gosh, haven't you been a bad person!)

If you're going to cheat, consider the consequences of getting caught (no matter how remote a possibility it might seem) and plan accordingly: Maintain at least one unsullied relationship for backup purposes!

...and here's one from Rate Your Students.

I didn't like to use the resources you made available during the module and now that I'm revising for your resit exam I still don't use them but I have bought a book (although I didn't like the way you made me turn the pages to different chapters during the module) and your module basically sucked ... so can you tell me what I need to revise?

Yes -- everything, just like it says in those resources you were so scathing about earlier.

Sometimes telling the truth is bad, occasionally you get better results if you suck up a little!

It's easy to see the similarities between this tech. support query and many stupid emails: Hello. I just set up my new P.C. and it doesn't work correctly. Do you have any ideas? (from the User Friendly cartoon, 15^th August 2005).

Yes. (More than you can possibly imagine...)

Explain what is the problem rather than forcing us to send you an email requesting clarification and/or further details ... so if it's an educational issue, what is it that you don't understand?

I failed your module but am within a few percent of a pass. I'll have to pay loads of fees to come back next year to repeat the module so can you pass me anyway?

No.

We are not yet in the position where a certain amount of fees guarantees a certain grade (and I pray that we never will be!) Myself, I worked my arse off at University because my parents were contributing to my fees so ask yourself: Have you really given 100%? If-so, then I'm sorry but your 100% was insufficient to meet the grade; if-not, tough.

Can you help me with my resit? Um, no, I haven't re-read the lecture notes ... will they help?

Whoops ... not gonna pass the resit at this rate! What's a resit for? To allow you to prove you have achieved the module's learning outcomes that all the people who passed managed the first time ... you have a lot to catch up!

"God helps those who help themselves"? The agnostic version: Pay attention, use brain, get points! Don't wanna use brain or pay attention? As Gary Oldman almost said in The Fifth Element Zero effort ... zero points!

Not a question, more a list of "do's" and "don'ts":

• Do get my name and title right!

• Don't send me an attachment without any explanation (this applies to students and admin. staff!)
• Don't write an email like a 12 year old AOL user.

I got a {C, D, a lower mark than I was expecting/think I deserve} can I have some more points? That higher grade is really important to me (I want to do a Master's degree.)

Does your work deserve more points? Sometimes it does but if you're wrong then you've just wasted some of my precious (IMO) time for nothing! "I worked really hard, why can't I have more points?" is only a good question if you've been marked unfairly (sometimes it happens!)

1. Pick your visit time carefully! If your lecturer seems busy/stressed/worn out he's less likely to be amenable.
2. Don't piss him off by repeatedly asking the same question -- wearing us down usually wears our patience first!
3. Don't, whatever you do, ask for more credit when you've been copying off your friends as having your mark reduced or being the subject of sarcasm can be bad for your health!

Can you help? None of it makes sense!

What, in particular, doesn't make sense? [If it really is "nothing" then either I have made a major mistake or you don't understand (my version) of English!]

We can't help unless you tell us what the actual problem is [and if it is "I don't understand English well enough to read your slides." then the solution is to take some of the University's english-as-a-foreign-language classes.] Remember: GIGO swings both ways!

Most situations boil down to "Don't be a dumbass!" ... The problem: Is my interpretation at odds with yours? (See The Dumbass Daily for some cases that don't require much thought to classify!)

Can I have an extension?

Yes -- if and only if there's a valid reason (e.g. some form of mitigating circumstance like a personal illness -- bring your evidence for a quick decision!) If there is no valid reason other than "I'm really busy with other things" then the answer is likely to be "No!", especially if you have already benefited from an extension. In my case a "No" is usually given if the extension would give you an unfair advantage over others in the class (if you get an extension for no particular reason, don't they deserve one as well?)

Think: "What would I do if I were in the lecturer's shoes? Is my request fair to others in the class?"

I missed an {assignment,test,important lecture,class} due to having {an illness, family problems, personal problems} can I have {an extension, some help, something from you}?

Often "yes" but almost guaranteed to be "yes!" when you provide some evidence of this study-affecting occurrence.

Get a Doctor's note, letter from your parent, solicitor, lawyer, copy of death certificate etc. I'm sorry to be bureaucratic but I hear so many excuses every time the pressure rises on a module that hiding behind the University's insistence on evidence is becoming really attractive! So remember the Boy Scout's motto: Be prepared!

We're doing Group Work as an assignment but the group I was put in [after you failed to find 2-4 friends to work with, right?] won't talk to me/are trying to steal my work/won't do any of the work but want to take all the credit ... what can I do? Why do we have to do work work? It/my group/your idea sucks...

Actually this isn't a stupid question: Learning to work with others is a skill that can take a long time to achieve and some of us (me?!) never really get good at. The important thing is to be polite in your dealings with others, to keep records and (if all else fails) to keep in touch with the lecturer concerned. The School/Department/Faculty you're in might also have a Student Support person who's ideal to talk to about awkward student interaction problems.
The reasons we do group work in HE are various:

1. It's good for you!
   • It develops interpersonal skills (eventually).
   • It allows you to work on a significant project for a change, rather than the usual piddly assignment.
2. It's good for us!
   • In a class of over 100 it reduces the flood of marking by a factor of n (where n is the group size).
   • It allows us to set an interesting and detailed assignment, rather than the usual "can be done in an hour or-so" piece of work.
3. The downside:
   • We have to set up your groups ... If we're generous we let you choose who to work with but we don't have to! The real workplace is a case-in-point where you don't get to choose, so consider yourselves lucky if you get the choice!
   • We have to administer your groups (changes, complaints, illness, absence etc...)
   • You have to work together! (Duh...) These days surely mobile phones, email, txt, instant messaging must make this easier, right? Apparently not: A lazy scumbag student in your group is still a LSS, just better connected these days!
   • You have to manage your time better -- the task is bigger so part of the success of the project (part of the reward and/or grade) is for getting it done "on time and within budget"!

When assigned some Group Work, enter into it with an open mind, focus on the goal (know what the goal is -- you have read the "project specification", haven't you?!) and start working as soon as possible! Too many groups seem to make the assumption that since the deadline is x weeks away and the group consists of n members then we (as a group) only need x/n weeks to get it done!

Can you tell me the information your web page is supposed to give me when I submit your form with my ID number as all it does is shows the same page?

Are you sure you looked properly? (Enters information ... sees correct result...) Obviously not! Did you forget to scroll down the page?! Yes you did! What's your major field of study? Computing? D'oh!

Be sure you have actually checked that something does not work before you come and say "your stupid page does not work!"

General tip: If you want something (e.g. advice, help, a reference, more marks/less marks/clarification of marks etc.) then get the lecturer's name right!

It's generally easy to find this information, either from the appropriate School/Department Secretary, online in a general staff directory, a specific School page or, if your University uses one, the "Learning Management System". If all else fails it's usually written on the lecturer's door!

Your request (via email, telephone or in person) does not get off to a good start if you speak to your lecturer using the wrong name/title and it's especially annoying to call her mate (OK, it's stuffy, but show some respect!)

Quick corollary: If you're looking for someone with particular responsibility (e.g. someone who runs a particular module) then please try to find the right person -- for instance, it's not necessarily the person you had for a similar subject last year!

General tip #2 When using email to contact lecturers please put a little bit of effort into it (e.g. most email tools have spell-checkers, right?) here's an example from one of my ignorant fool students!

General tip #3 Do not have a cigarette immediately before visiting someone in their office if they don't smoke! We (I don't...) can smell it & it's unpleasant, so all the while you're asking your question we're thinking "How quickly can I get this walking ashtray out of my office?" Obviously that's not going to help you get what you want out of the meeting!

I don't like programming. Can I change from my "Computing With Business Degree" to the "Business Information Technology" course?

Sure, you can apply but do you really think that "I don't like programming"  is going to sound good on the reference that I'm honour-bound to provide in 'support' of your application for what is another IT course with a large programming part? (If you'd read the relevant information you'd know this! D'oh!!)

A variant on RTFM - do your homework!
(Adapted from my main blog A Lecturer's Tale...)

I've failed my modules at the first attempt and failed one of my resits so is there any way I can progress to the next year and take the failed module at the same time?

No! (Obviously ... even if we thought you were bright enough to do an extra module at the start of the year, failing your normal amount of modules will surely change our minds!)